As life happens you may find yourself overwhelmed with the details of grief. The first few days after a significant loss can be especially traumatic. I actually have very few clear memories of the first days following my husband’s death. Short recollections play in my mind like small video pieces, convincing me that death did occur and I really did live through it. Here are a few of the memories that still play back from time to time:
Sitting at the table choosing a casket; rifling through papers finding necessary policy numbers and contact information for various companies; having a plate of toast placed in front of me as someone begged me to eat; shopping for a black skirt and breaking down crying as I was paying the cashier; lying in bed for hours unable to sleep; sitting in my living room as good friends and family members visited but not really remembering conversations.
What allows a person to go on autopilot and survive the difficulties of grief and loss? I believe it is grace and mercy that allows the body to be numbed by shock and enables you to carry on without thinking. Some people make the comments, “You are so strong.” “I would never be able to handle what you are going through.” Yet, it is not like you have a choice. Life does not stop for you to get off the rollercoaster of grief. Dealing with those first days after your loved one has died can easily be the hardest thing you will do. There is little to be done in preparing yourself for when life happens. Even if you and your loved one have walked through the difficulty of illness instead of facing a sudden loss, the journey is hard. While you may have had a chance to plan and think about a future without them, when the moment arrives for their departure from this world, you still face the overwhelming loss and demands of many decisions while juggling your feelings and emotions.
I like to think of it as “life happens” instead of “death happens.” Doing this allows a more positive slant on something all of us will experience from time to time. Some losses will be harder than others. Even so, losing loved ones and beginning a journey of grief is part of living. Life continues for you. There is something more to be experienced and enjoyed. Even though it may not feel like it at the moment, you have a purpose and God has a plan. If we focus on the fact that death will transpire at some point, it puts a pessimistic spin on life and you tend to dread the coming days, distracted from what you have right now. Instead of hope and a future, you see an end and possible despair. Therefore, I choose the fact that life happens and I find a way to move forward in the journey of grief.
You can do this too. Treasure the memories of the life you had with your loved one. Work through the heartache that is sure to accompany your loss. Realize that even though your path is filled with ups and downs, you can survive the ride ahead. Face what is before you so that you can eventually see those days in your past as you move forward toward brighter and easier days.
Until next time –
Grief Letters is available for you to purchase. Having hope and purpose is not impossible when facing loss and pain. This devotion book is filled with lessons learned from my own journey as well as suggested activities written to help achieve forward progress through grief. Place your order today!
Grief Letters By Karen Bransgrove, Published by WestBow Press. You can order here.
Hardcover | 6 x 9 in | 114 pages | ISBN 9781490869674
Softcover | 6 x 9 in | 114 pages | ISBN 9781490869667
E-Book | 114 pages | ISBN 9781490869650
Also available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.