Cans and Cannots


Walking a grief journey has its ups and downs. The lows tend to be deep and many, while the high points seem few and far between. While talking to my sister-in-law today, I realized that the attitude with which we approach our daily challenges either make us or break us. We have the choice to say, “I can do this!” What do you choose when confronted with the cans and cannots in your days?

The voice we hear the most throughout each day is our own. Therefore, we need to be careful with what we are saying and how we are saying it. When faced with hardship it is easy to admit defeat and give up before we even begin. Experiencing loss is not easy. It can be full of long-lasting pain. So how do we deal with it? Is there any point in trying? Will we arrive at a place in the future where we feel better?

Dealing with death and loss is an individual journey. No one can tell you exactly what to do to feel better. Yet, there are things you can do to ensure you continue to move forward in your grief and avoid being stuck while repeating those less than good choices over and over again.

You can realize that you are not alone. Even if you feel you have no other human to talk to, you can speak to God who loves you and cares about you. If you happen to hold anger against God, go ahead and voice that to Him too. He is big and can take the criticism. Work through those feelings. Be open to talking with a church pastor or close friend who can help you see things clearly and give you good advice regarding those harsh feelings.

Another helpful exercise you can do is to journal. Write out your feelings, fears, and questions. Putting conversations on paper that you miss having with your loved one can give you an avenue of expressing yourself. Write a letter to the one who has died. What do you want to say? Placing those words on paper allows you a voice on a dark and often too-quiet journey.

Accepting invitations to get out of the house and keep busy can remove you from the isolating life that grief can impose. You can dictate how you use your time, where you go, and what you do. While it may seem you have no control over what has happened, you can make certain choices that will bolster your confidence and improve your outlook on life.

Realizing and being prepared for the occasional moments when cannots enter the picture will help you push through and get to the other side of grief. As you move forward, you will encounter more and more cans along the way.

I wish you courage and fortitude as you maneuver through your cans and cannots on your journey of grief.

Until next time –